Category: Thriller

I love art that submerges me beyond its subject by connecting itself to other art. From the works of Stephen King, to shows like Rick and Morty and Gravity Falls, nothing tickles my fancy more than to discover that some of my favorite stories are connected even in the tiniest ways.
It isn’t often that we get something like this in the world of cinema outside of the marvel and DC franchises (and in these cases they are simply sequels by another name or cash grabs.)WHAT ABOUT US NUTJOBS WHO WANT MORE!?
one man heard my cry and created an entire universe of interconnecting films just for us!(Ok, so he did that a decade ago and has no clue who i am, but fuck doesn’t my way sound way more interesting?)
That man is director Brett William Mauser and for the first time we are taking a trip into his universe, Not so Sane Universe with BLOW A KISS, and SERIAL RABBIT 5:THE EPIC HUNT
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BLOW A KISS introduces Joy, a recovering heroin addict desperate to get her daughter back. When Joy breaks down at a dive bar with no gas money she finds herself taking a job from a dangerous group of female meth dealers.
All joy has to do is kill their rival dealer and deliver a stolen thumbdrive and they’ll give her everything she needs in order to be reunited with her little girl.
Everything goes smoothly and she is reunited with her daughter to live happily ever after…just fucking with you! Everything goes to hell and Joy must fight to survive!

It’s a pretty ballsy move to make a low budget action movie.
Nine times out of ten these turn out to be so inept and cliche that we wind up with a run of the mill Hollywood shit storm without the budget to even dress it up…Thankfully, Mauser isn’t an idiot and this isn’t an action movie..or not exactly

Chock full of dialog heavy scenes that actually work due to their hilarity and absurdity, BLOW A KISS manages to repeatedly make the viewer think he knows what is next only to fly of in increasingly wild and unexpected directions.

The acting here was surprisingly good and in the few cases where that’s not the case Mauser was sure to keep said questionable actors in the background or they were quickly dispatched

The character of Joy reminded me of a female Ash Williams, coming across as a bumbling scaredy cat before blossoming into a bra clad, blood spattered, gun toting broad out for bloodshed until the final reveal kicks you in the balls and flips everything you thought you knew on its forehead!

The special effects here were almost exclusively of the CG variety but even that didn’t get on my nerves too much and was showcased in a snapcut matter that made it mostly work and slot of the cheesier effects were clearly done intentionally and good naturedly.

The music here also scores high with this reviewer, consisting of a variety of southern and alternative rock that Glens brilliantly with the Texas setting.

Overall I give this this film two middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. It’s cheesy, exciting and it worked wonders to draw me in to seeking out the rest of The Not So Sane Universe.

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SERIAL RABBIT 5:THE EPIC HUNT is the continued story of the above named bad bunny. In this film the city is once again being terrorized by the serial rabbit, or rather a new killer possessed by the former killer’s suit. The original killer is broken out of hell and with the help of a demon, a former cop and a criminally inclined swinger couple must reunite with his suit to stop the massacre once and for all.and save the world, but when the new killer kills the daughter of a crime boss a necrophiliac, a martial artist, a few fatale, a prostitute and…another cop are hired to take him out.

This sounds like an insane mess…and it is, in a batshitly entertaining way!

Each character here is exaggerated and distorted, coming across as what you’d get if Tex Avery had been a skitzo whose illness was being treated with bags of sugar, bath salts and LSD

The acting here is all over the top and fun with my favorite character being the original Serial Rabbit himself. He manages to come across as so damn Ernest and innocent(even when hes eating the chopped off penis of a tranny prostitute)that you can’t help but love the guy..plus he skips when he walks!

The kills (and gore in general) are few and far in between and most are (once again) CG but since this is more of a comedy adventure/slasher parody than an actual slasher film im ok with that.

This film (and it’s predecessors) have gotten a lot of shit from reviewed who unfairly compare it to films like Peter Rottentail, and BUNNYMAN but honestly this thing is it’s own animal and there is a huge flaw with comparing it to those films as the aim of this movie is to elicit laughter and enjoyment of shock and terror.

Overall I give SERIAL RABBIT 5 two middle fingers chopped off a d sanded to the bone. I only regret not having the first 4 films of the franchise to discuss here.

I have a feeling this is just the beginning of what I hope is a long journey into The Not So Sane Universe

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I’m going to start this review off with a confession. I fucking HATE Fifty Shades Of Grey. I think it’s stupid, pretentious and it present the dangerous concept that a man who gets gratification from sexually and physically abusing and debasing women can somehow be redeemed and made into a good man. It’s bullshit, it sucks and it disgusts me how many women flocked to read/see such a degenerative piece of monkey scum..and trust me if I think that shit is fucked up that should say something. I almost completely passed on this film because o the similar title..boy am I fuck’in glad I didn’t! Out of respect for this movie, from this moment forward we’re going to simply refer to it by it’s original title, The Fetish Set.

THE FETISH SET Introduces a group of young women all trying to cash in on the rapidly expanding fetish market for their own reasons. The Group meet up at a yearly fetish convention hoping to make some money. Things go sour fast and soon the group finds themselves with a corpse on their hands and a deranged psychopath out for their blood. Some fetishists go too far and this one’s fetish is death!

Holy fucking shit did this one surprise me! First off, this thing has some o the best written dialog I’ve ever seen in a film. It’s funny, it’s off putting when it needs to be and most importantly it flows naturally. Had it not been for the insanely talented cast this thing could have been just another cheap thriller, in stead we wind up with one hell of a thrill ride that manages to be at turns hilarious, disturbing and exciting.

The acting here was top notch all the way around, but I have to say “The Wolf” The deranged fetishist steals the show as soon as we meet him. From his nude ballet dancing in the moon light, to his freakishly caved in chest and thing for growling like an animal, this fucker is pure unadulterated evil, he likes to hurt people, he likes to see them squirm and there is no room for redemption, more there is no desire for redemption. This is the darker side of psycho-sexuality and God damn it it’s effective.

The other characters pop as well. We get Mai  the homebody who fulfills mommy fetishists, Reyna the bad ass lesbian, her submissive lover Angle, and Jo the drug addicted thrill seeker. Here’s where most writer fail with stuff like this. The majority of the time when we see characters like this in a film they’re portrayed as a group of friends….Unless you’re making a low brow slasher (which there’s nothing wrong with) that shit just doesn’t fly.. What made this one work is these girls aren’t friends, they’re co-workers, reluctant coworkers at that. It’s made pretty clear from the get go that they don’t really enjoy eachother’s company and that they’re all out for the pay check. That little detail made for some great verbal exchanges and truly believable tension between the characters.

I liked that this thing had the balls to straight up tell the truth. Men who get off on debasing women AREN’T good guys. There’s often a real mental illness involved and sometimes (although rarely) that illness, that obsession with sexual deviancy can take a turn to the darkest possible regions of the human mind, creating monster out of man, that’s a pretty powerful message and writer/director Shane Wheeler delivers it with gusto.

Overall I give this one 2 middle fingers chopped of and sanded to the bone. It’s my favorite Wild Eye Release thus far and the only complaint I have is that there isn’t more of it.  Wheeler is one hell of a director (especially considering this was his first attempt) and We here at B-is For Best can’t wait to see what he comes up with next!

 

 

I love movies. The day I stop loving them is the day I’ll shut this bad bitch down..But I have to say I have to watch alot of….poop. And quite a bit of not even fun poop, just straight up boring incomprehensible dog shit in a hat.  So Companies like Wild Eye Releasing, who continuously shoot over fun, endearing and often thought provoking films are a light at the end of a (Sorry to say it) shit caked tunnel It’s not to say Wild Eye never puts out poop  It’s that even when they DO put out poop…it’s great poop, it’s golden turds!…but enough perineum tickling, let’s take a look at what hose crazy motherfuckers sent us this time around. We’ll start off with a couple of fun slashers, beginning with an awesome 80’s throwback entitled THE BLOOD SLAUGHTER MASSACRE

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THE BLOOD SLAUGHTER MASSACRE Opens at a party where a crazed masked man deftly murders the entire party, The killer is nearly caught by Officer James Fincher but wounds him and escapes seemingly never to be seen again..until ten years later a string of murders begin that strangely resemble those of the missing mad man. Is this a second chance to catch this madman..or is the killer (nicknamed The Ripper) just back to lure him out and finish the job?

When I first received word about this film, I have to be honest, I let out a sigh. “Oh fuck, another self aware slasher homage.” I said to myself..I couldn’t have been more wrong on this one. Everything from the slightly off kilter camera work to the everyone is a red herring approach to character development screamed 80’s. This fucker even had it;’s own kick ass hair metal theme song!

The acting here was actually quite good with Officer Fincher shining brightest,, coming across as a mixture of Doctor Loomis from Halloween, and Officer Norris from Child’s Play. His fierce borderline psychotically obsessive dedication to the case makes him a force even more formidable then he Ripper himself!

But a slasher wouldn’t be complete without a masked maniac, does The Ripper Measure up?

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With his slow methodically movements, cold approach to death and dedication to death, the ripper (who dons a creepy old man clown mask) fits in nicely with the many slashers of yesteryear. I could easily see this baddy go up against Nelson from Bloody Murder in a Low Budget battle to the final body count.

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The cinematography here appears to be genuine honest to god video. It’s more likely that it’s digital with some really cleaver editing techniques but I honestly couldn’t see anything to give it away. It looks just like the Shot On Shitio VHS releases I loved as a kid.

The gore here was heavy handed and cheesy just like the films it so clearly derives from but unlike alot of these homage films it isn’t played for laughs. Everything is done straight faced which makes an enormous difference and makes this “flaw” work in the film’s favor rather than against it. Alot of the kills are also done off screen which is also true to the source material.

I’d be remiss not o say something about the music here. Used sparingly throughout the film we get alot of great cinematic synth reminiscent of the music from Tim Ritter’s movies and of course we get the above mentioned hair metal theme preformed by none other then 80’s crazed director Bradley Creanzo (Director of The Bible Belt Slasher among many others) Brad, is there anything you can’t do you crazy fuck? I’m waiting for your brand of gummy bears to show up next or something

Overall I give this one two middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. It’s an amazingly on point little slasher that comes across as Blood Cult meets Halloween. If you’re a fan of straight to video slashers YOU NEED THIS FUCKIN’ MOVIE NOW!

The next film we’ll be discussing was one that honestly caught me off guard. I’ve come to associate Wild Eye more with wacky off kilter flicks..Not to say that’s a bad thing at all (I love stuff like that) but this one was..deep..really deep. That film is Shawn Holmes’ MEMORY LANE

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MEMORY LANE Introduces Nick Boxer, an orphaned mentally scarred war veteran struggling to adjust to civilian life. Plagued by a war that he never really came home from, Nick feels alone despite a small group of closely nit friends until he meets  the strange but exciting Meg. Tragedy trikes and Nick is torn from him too early. When Nick discovers he is able to go back to a time when she was around when his heart stops he enlists he help of his reluctant friends to stop and restart his heart in the hopes of understanding what happened.

Heart breaking, innovative and packing a punch much harder than  similar films with 50 times the budget ,Memory Lane is a completely engrossing cautionary tale about the cost of pursuing the unpursuable. It asks us “If You knew you couldn’t save the person you loved the most would you still die trying to do so? It comes across as a brilliantly effective mixture of Flatliners and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.

The acting here was excellent with each actor obviously giving it their all. Sticking out the most here, though, was Will.  Having some friends and family myself that suffer from post war P.T.S.D.  I can tell you, his guy is amazing. The shifty eyes, the pale complexion he slight tremor, it’s all here. Even more breathtaking though was the transformation Will takes. First we see an increase in color, a surge of energy and a palatable glimmer of hope in his eyes when he meets Meg. When Meg is taken from him we see his skin become clammy and even paler then before. We see emptiness in his eyes, and it actually appears that he’s lost weight!

The cinematography here was a great example of a cinematographer working with what they have. Though it appears to be low grade digital, the use of colorization o convey mood and the fact that they embrace the shaky camera and make it almost a character in and of itself instead of trying to hide it, made this one pop!

Overall I give this one two middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. This film actually made me cry. With the amount of films I see every week that’s quite an impressive feat! I hope to see more films like this from Wild Eye and I can’t wait to see what Director Shawn Holmes comes up with next!

Be sure to stay tuned for part two of this article as Wild Eye sent us over more kick ass films than we can shake our collective cock at!

 

 

 

 

 

When i think action i think guns, explosions, Manly men with women drooling over them, over the top bad guys and of course..Proper grammar?
I can’t say i ever vied for an English Teacher focused action film (or why anyone would for that matter) but that’s exactly what we get with Action film spoof, TO DIE IS HARD.

TO DIE IS HARDTO DIE IS HARD tells us the story of Joe Mcann, a tough talking martial arts studying middle aged English  professor. While tutoring  a student he overhears gunshots and goes to investigate discovering that terrorists have invaded his beloved workplace, taking a hostage. Now Joe is the only thing standing between the terrorists and the success of their dastardly plan. But can he stand against them..You bet your sweet ass he can. It’s time for these terrorists to get a lesson in English.

Rather then taking the over-the-top wacky slapstick route or poke fun at specific scenes from films, this parody instead simply focuses on the ludicrous elements of the action genre in general, playing them to the extreme. It’s hero says every line as if he’s issuing a death threat, Is adored by and sexual attracts every female (and some males) he meets despite being average looking and a complete asshole. The hero takes more lives then the terrorists do.
  Dramatic music accompanies virtually every scene no matter how mundane,  a 30 second phone call is enough for him to tell his wife (who spends her entire day with her daughter at home while they both wonder how he’s doing and argue over who he loves more)  a half hour’s worth of intricate details about what’s going on. The cop involved in trying to get him and the hostages out spends his time dancing about, lying around eating cheetos and doing just about everything else other then any police work.
The film is chock full of ludicrous fight scenes where Joe showcases what is obviously not real martial arts.. This film literally covers all the bases of every action film cliche’ showing us just how ridiculous they are and it certainly shows that director Glen Berggoetz (yes the same Glen Bergooetz that brought us Midget Zombie takeover)  has seen his fair share of action films and it pays off with this effective little spoof.

 I must admit i had my doubts about this idea working as a feature length film because it seemed to be a one joke idea (and it is) but this one joke was played with enough and done so with enough expertise and fun that somehow it DID work and made for some legitimately funny stuff.

The only complaint i have is the English Professor angle wasn’t played on very much, Joe could have just as easily been a mathematician or a music teacher, and it’s too bad that more creative ways to utilize Joe’s occupation weren’t used in the film.

I give this film one middle finger a quarter of the way extended. It could have been better if Joe’s occupation was somehow utilized more but it’s still a pretty damn funny movie and surpasses Hollywood’s  recent attempt at parody by a long shot.