Category: slashers and maniacs

How many of us horror nerds growing up always secretly wanted our own Jason? our own Freddy? our own…homicidal flamboyantly gay vegetarian spatula obsessed Dallas fan…? Well for best pals and horror nerds Onkey and Merv that’s exactly what happens!….almost.

With tag lines like “cheap, sick and offensive…i loved every minute of it”(-BBC radio 1 ) and “gratuitous nudity, gross-out gore, foul language, arse piranhas…” on the box i went into Beyond Therapy’s Freakout expecting , quite frankly, soft core porn and shit gore thrown together to make yet another insult in a long line of insults to the splatter-stick genre, or at best another  mildly amusing mediocre English horror-comedy (of which there are now literally hundreds since the release of the standalone awesomeness of Shaun of the dead) What i found was quite different.

fist and foremost i must tell you if you’re planning on watching this film in hopes of seeing a peter Jackson-esque gorefest…don’t. you’ll be disappointed and you’ll be doing a great disservice to a cute and very endearing little film about friendship ,the fear and hesitation young people going from  children to adults feel and the dangers of exploiting someone’s weirdness.

After being taunted to the point of mental breakdown as a kid our hero (the little looney) escapes from a mental institution to get his revenge on the school that housed his abusers only to find an empty fenced in lot (and a really bad obviously cardboard sign that somehow lasted longer then the school itself ) soon after he stumbles upon merv doody’s video rental card and decides  (for reasons never explained) that it would be a good idea to go to his house and give him a good scare. Soon after the little looney finds himself the protege’  of Merv and his idiotic asshole friend Onkey who decide it’s a good idea to groom him to become the next jason. what follows is more and more ridiculous scenarios as the two idiots try (and mostly fail) to transform an annoying (yet strangely adorable) lover of show tunes into a hulking mass of pure evil. All is fun and games for the two dim witted exploiters until Little Looney discovers his liqueur muscles and lives up to expectations alittle too much.
Contrary to the misleading  box quotes Freak Out is an essentially harmless and innocent films with nudity no worse then the likes of titanic and language no worse then ace ventura. the gore is sparse and purposely laughably fake.

this film should easily get a pg-13 rating (in fact in Canada it received the equivalent 14a rating ) I don’t see how anyone but southern baptists would find this offensive (who consequently run the MPAA ) i had no problem letting my children (who are 6 and 2 and big horror nerds just like yours truly) watch it without hitting fast forward once. Little Looney is by far the most loveable (and quotable) slasher of all time it’s really too bad they made sure he wouldn’t be back or the sequel (sorry not going to tell you why) Although a spinof with Little Looney’s soul in the Little Looney doll would certainly be epic.

there was some issues with unsmooth camera transition that resulted in some fuzzy screen scenes but that just added to the whole 80’s b-movie salute thing it had going on and Merv’s Grandma being a Deadite certainly got rid of any dubt i may have had about loving this movie. overall

i give it one middle finger a centimeter raised and only because they ruined any chance of a true sequel.

Pink Eye follows the story of Edgar, a man who as a young boy came down with a disorder that first caused his eyes to become red and puffy. the doctor diagnosed it as pink eye but soon after the diagnoses the disease causes Edgar to manifest painful deformities. his mother cared for him as best she could but when she died Edgar was put into an insane asylum where the vile way he is treated and the drugs he’d being given combine to transform him into a a violent pissed of creature of vengeance. Meanwhile the other patients are doing shocking  things to themselves, and Edgar, otherwise a mindless poetry spouting killing machine has unleashed them upon the unsuspecting  orderlies and doctors…what is the cause of all this madness?

…..What i really would like to know is what is all the hype about this film? i mean seriously, what is essentially a mediocre (at best) generic horror “thriller” has been boosted to the level of legend with reviews like “vicious&and disgusting,,,a lingering nightmare”(killer reviews) and “very graphic, cringe-worthy,pleasantly Gorey” (fatally yours) first of all it is obvious (at least to me) that they spent the entire budget on a scene in which a young woman rips her eyes from their sockets out of fear that there are ants beneath them, while the scene is pretty Gorey it is far from as great as they make it out to be and it angers me that they begin the film with a scene like this and then quickly settle in to Hollywood-like watered down ill conceived gore that not only seems to have nothing to do with the plot (aside from the unthoughtout side plot of an evil corporation paying the nuthouse o give the Patience and some homeless people and junkies PCP for no apparent reason) but was so generic it literally could have been clipped from bullshit cookie cutter Hollywood horror films and simply slid in and no none would know the difference.

We don’t see Edgar’s face ever in the film (although we do see enough of Edgar’s eyes to tell that they were too lazy to even put pink contacts on the actor) his Poe quotes have absolutely no significance to the scenes they occur in, and the only reason you’ll be surprised at all when you watch this film is because it’s largely nothing but nonsense built up by a poor script, and bad acting.

The people who put this film together purposely went  out  of their way to market to fans of the slasher/gore genre, going out of their way to put the only truly Gorey scenes on the cover and back of the DVD and (most likely) paying reviewers to focus on this one scene  in an attempt to sell a shitty subpar thriller to an unsuspecting fan base, banking on us being stupid and needing less plot and worse acting then a porno has to make us happy. for those of us who grew up with the amazingly gorey, delightfully corny, original, truly independent movie distributors like Troma, Full moon, and Brain Damage this film is a smack in the balls with  a ballpein hammer…to sum it all up Pink Eye wreaks of money hungry corporate brown eye…buy Big Gus whats the Fuss instead, you’d be more entertained even by that peace  of shit.

I give this films more then two middle fingers up i give it 2 middle fingers, two middle toes and shout fuck you into it’s ears. It should be in the dollar store next to Glitter and Scary movie 4