Category: Horror

 

I love art that submerges me beyond its subject by connecting itself to other art. From the works of Stephen King, to shows like Rick and Morty and Gravity Falls, nothing tickles my fancy more than to discover that some of my favorite stories are connected even in the tiniest ways.
It isn’t often that we get something like this in the world of cinema outside of the marvel and DC franchises (and in these cases they are simply sequels by another name or cash grabs.)WHAT ABOUT US NUTJOBS WHO WANT MORE!?
one man heard my cry and created an entire universe of interconnecting films just for us!(Ok, so he did that a decade ago and has no clue who i am, but fuck doesn’t my way sound way more interesting?)
That man is director Brett William Mauser and for the first time we are taking a trip into his universe, Not so Sane Universe with BLOW A KISS, and SERIAL RABBIT 5:THE EPIC HUNT
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BLOW A KISS introduces Joy, a recovering heroin addict desperate to get her daughter back. When Joy breaks down at a dive bar with no gas money she finds herself taking a job from a dangerous group of female meth dealers.
All joy has to do is kill their rival dealer and deliver a stolen thumbdrive and they’ll give her everything she needs in order to be reunited with her little girl.
Everything goes smoothly and she is reunited with her daughter to live happily ever after…just fucking with you! Everything goes to hell and Joy must fight to survive!

It’s a pretty ballsy move to make a low budget action movie.
Nine times out of ten these turn out to be so inept and cliche that we wind up with a run of the mill Hollywood shit storm without the budget to even dress it up…Thankfully, Mauser isn’t an idiot and this isn’t an action movie..or not exactly

Chock full of dialog heavy scenes that actually work due to their hilarity and absurdity, BLOW A KISS manages to repeatedly make the viewer think he knows what is next only to fly of in increasingly wild and unexpected directions.

The acting here was surprisingly good and in the few cases where that’s not the case Mauser was sure to keep said questionable actors in the background or they were quickly dispatched

The character of Joy reminded me of a female Ash Williams, coming across as a bumbling scaredy cat before blossoming into a bra clad, blood spattered, gun toting broad out for bloodshed until the final reveal kicks you in the balls and flips everything you thought you knew on its forehead!

The special effects here were almost exclusively of the CG variety but even that didn’t get on my nerves too much and was showcased in a snapcut matter that made it mostly work and slot of the cheesier effects were clearly done intentionally and good naturedly.

The music here also scores high with this reviewer, consisting of a variety of southern and alternative rock that Glens brilliantly with the Texas setting.

Overall I give this this film two middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. It’s cheesy, exciting and it worked wonders to draw me in to seeking out the rest of The Not So Sane Universe.

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SERIAL RABBIT 5:THE EPIC HUNT is the continued story of the above named bad bunny. In this film the city is once again being terrorized by the serial rabbit, or rather a new killer possessed by the former killer’s suit. The original killer is broken out of hell and with the help of a demon, a former cop and a criminally inclined swinger couple must reunite with his suit to stop the massacre once and for all.and save the world, but when the new killer kills the daughter of a crime boss a necrophiliac, a martial artist, a few fatale, a prostitute and…another cop are hired to take him out.

This sounds like an insane mess…and it is, in a batshitly entertaining way!

Each character here is exaggerated and distorted, coming across as what you’d get if Tex Avery had been a skitzo whose illness was being treated with bags of sugar, bath salts and LSD

The acting here is all over the top and fun with my favorite character being the original Serial Rabbit himself. He manages to come across as so damn Ernest and innocent(even when hes eating the chopped off penis of a tranny prostitute)that you can’t help but love the guy..plus he skips when he walks!

The kills (and gore in general) are few and far in between and most are (once again) CG but since this is more of a comedy adventure/slasher parody than an actual slasher film im ok with that.

This film (and it’s predecessors) have gotten a lot of shit from reviewed who unfairly compare it to films like Peter Rottentail, and BUNNYMAN but honestly this thing is it’s own animal and there is a huge flaw with comparing it to those films as the aim of this movie is to elicit laughter and enjoyment of shock and terror.

Overall I give SERIAL RABBIT 5 two middle fingers chopped off a d sanded to the bone. I only regret not having the first 4 films of the franchise to discuss here.

I have a feeling this is just the beginning of what I hope is a long journey into The Not So Sane Universe

 

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Oftentimes insane, seemingly random concepts can be mashed together to create some pretty damn entertaining cinema.  We saw this with films like RACE WAR: THE REMAKE, LUCKY, DEAD AND BREAKFAST  and the oft celebrated TROLL 2 (to name a few) Today we take a gander at a film that has sex starved human hunting rednecks, a cannibalistic tribe, a mythological monster and..a cheese doodle fetish(…?) that film is Flood Reed’s AMERICAN BACKWOODS SLEWHAMPSHIRE

AMERICAN BACKWOODS SLEWHAMPSHIRE follows four college friends who take the advice of a likely sex offender and set off onto the deep backroads of New Hampshire to seek out a “private strip club” that supposedly exists there. As you might expect things do not go as planned and all hell breaks loose as our heroes go up against the afore mentioned baddies.

SLEWHAMPSHIRE has a lot going on.   unfortunately that’s its biggest problem. Trying to jam so much into a 103 minute running time should have made this thing jam packed with action without a single wasted second and yet somehow it manages to throw padding at us at every turn. Random closeups and insidiously edited insert shots appear at least every five minutes, the story jumps around in a seemingly pointless way as serious moments are interrupted with silly in jokes and the skitzoid way it goes from brutal to goofy just comes across as mean and pointless. I mean, come on we go from a scene of violent man on man sodomy and a man having his cock bitten off to a dream sequence had by one of the victims where he gets showered with cheese doodles by his dancing, shirtless rapist!

Our “tribe” look like exras from BLACK SAILS in robes stolen from the set of THE TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD and speak in voices that sound like Pinhead and none of this is explained, our monster has less than 2 minutes combined screen time and there’s no resolution whatsoever for any of the plotlines

Normally when i  have to give a film a less than favorable review i do so with the same gung ho attitude and fun that i give a glowing one but in this case it makes me a little sad. Watching this I saw a lot of talent. The acting was all around great with the character of Bro being my personal favorite with his haunted eyes and mysteriously dark seriousness contrasting sharply with his care free whore mongering friends.

The music was fun and catchy and the gore effects were fucking fantastic.

The cinematography was digital bur very smooth and steady (other thab the annoying and jarring insert shots i spoke of earlier.

I got the feeling this film was intended to be much longer and a lot was canned and that the inserts may have been added to make it a more marketable film. I don’t hate this film and feel its likely a small fumble on the path towards some great things to come both from the director and his talented cast. Overall i give SLEWHAMPSHIRE one middle finger up. It has some truly wonderful elements it just needs some more direction storywise and a bit more focus. I am looking forward to what Reed comes up with next and watching the evolution of this promising filmmaker

With the increasing popularity of subscription boxes and most of them being little more than dollar store junk in a fancy box, we here at B-is For Best thought it was about time for us to check some out and share our thoughts…this proved to be much more difficult than we had first imagined. We contacted literally thousands of companies and out of that group only a select few responded. Most of them were either entirely dismissive, rude or asinine enough to suggest that we pay for a box and than review it (sure guys that sounds fair) but there were indeed a few shining stars in the shit pile. Among them was a smaller company called Horror Pack. Horror pack offers DVD or Blu Ray plans where every month they send you a surprise selection of films. Horror Pack was delighted to hear from us and immediately emailed us back with tracking info. Their customer service was polite, helpful and most importantly friendly. Watch the video bellow for the unboxing of the February 2017 DVD box that we received:

If you watched the video you now know that the value of the box far exceeds the price so it’s more than worth the amazingly low price..but we at B-is For Best like to go the extra mile..so let’s check out the actual films and see if the fun (and fright) factor is there..Just a recap for those who skipped the video. The Box included Stephen King’s Bag of Bones, Virus, Shocker, Legion of The Dead,and And Now The Screaming Starts.

Since this is more of a review of Horror Pack and not a film review article we’ll keep the film reviews short and to the point. If you’d like us to look a little more deeply into these titles like we do with most of our film review articles in the future, please feel free to leave comments and let us know!

Let’s start with Bag Of Bones

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BAG OF BONES introduces Mike Noonan, a writer who’s suffering a dry spell and desperately trying to cope with the sudden death of his wife. He heads out to their summer cabin to escape from it all but soon finds himself involved with a young woman named Mattie and her daughter Sara. Mattie is fighting a losing custody battle with Mattie’s eccentric millionaire Grandfather. Add a vengeful ghost to the mix and you’re in for some true blue Stephen King style madness.

Originally released as a two part mini series on TV Bag Of Bones is one of Stephen King’s less known film adaptations and that’s a damn shame. High drama, a convincing developing romance, built around tragedy and the ever relevant topic of the failings of the family court system make this one one of the very best Stephen King Films I’ve ever seen. Don’t get me wrong I love the cheese fests the modern day master of Horror novels churns out but this one actually did a damn good job sticking to the wonderfully disturbing novel that birthed it. It’s not often that a drama with Horror themes succeeds on the screen but low and behold that is precisely what we get with Stephen King’s Bag Of Bones.

I give Stephen King’s Bag Of Bones two middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. If you’re looking for the Kingster without the side of Gouda his films usually include then this one is for you, Highly recommended.

 

Wes craven Is celebrated as the creator of  Nightmare On Elm Street and Scream, but there’s one film that tends to not only be the unsung hero but downright hated by the fans. That film is the 1989 supernatural slasher film Shocker..But does Shocker deserve all the shit it gets?

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SHOCKER Introduces all American boy Jonathan Parker. Jonathan was adopted by a police officer and his family at a young age and enjoys the simple life, playing football, spending time with his family and  wooing his girlfriend. This all gets thrown to the wolves when Jonathan starts suffering terrifying dreams where he sees through the eyes of a killer while he dispatches his victims. It soon becomes clear that the dreams are actually a psychic connection to a local serial killer Horace Pinker. Jonathan teams up with his father and the two make sure Pinker gets brought to justice…But the electric chair is just the beginning of Pinker’s reign of terror!

The biggest issue audiences had with this film is the same thing that made it so appealing to me. It’s not just another Nightmare On Elm Street film. The audience expected the next Freddy (and with good reason considering that’s how the film was being pitched) and Pinker has very little in common with our beloved dream slasher..Sure he’s snarky, has otherworldly powers and is dead, but Pinker is less funny and more fucked. His humor is only funny to himself and rather than inspire delight, Pinker’s banter is a lot more likely to inspire cringes and disgust.

The thing that really made this thing work was the sprinkling of goofy off kilter humor throughout. While this film is indeed a horror movie, it’s also very clear that Wes Craven wanted to let his silly flag fly full mast and it really worked here. The acting was well handled (especially in the case of Pinker who’s rubbery facial expressions and tendency to sneer nonstop make him quite believable as a serial killer) and the now dated film effects make it a wonderful little time capsule capturing the last year of the 80’s as it descended into the 90’s.

Overall I give Shocker no middle fingers up, It’s a fun, weird silly little flick and comparing it to Nightmare On Elm Street makes just about as much sense  as comparing Swamp Thing to Scream. Best of all it’s a standalone so we didn’t have to see Pinker in the hood..However am i the only one who noticed how heavily Jason Goes to Hell borrowed the body jumping element? Shame Shame Jay Huguely

 

Jamie Lee Curtis is most known for her scream queen roles in films like Halloween, Terror Train and Prom Night. You’d be hard pressed to find a fan of hers who upon being asked what their favorite Jamie Lee role is would reply “Kit Foster in John Bruno’s Virus” ..In fact most people (myself included to be honest) completely forgot this 1999 release even existed despite it having a pretty big release, toys, shirts, posters and other memorabilia created..but does it deserve the obscurity?

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VIRUS follows the crew of a ship destroyed by a typhoon who out of desperation board a seemingly abandoned Russian Communication and research vessel. The only crew member they find seems to be stark raving mad and the computers are suffering from some pretty severe malfunctions. Things get more and more bizarre as an alien intelligence that has identified the human race as a virus manifests itself and begins to hunt the crew down one by one.

Atmospheric, claustrophobic and at turns truly scary and unintentionally hilarious, Virus is a late arrival Alien rip-off with elements of John Carpenter’s The Thing tossed in all wrapped around the (even then) dated fear of technology replacing mankind. The acting is fairly decent (although nothing to write home about) and the special effects are stellar..So why did this thing fall into obscurity so quickly? Well, firstly as I said the ideas that fuel it, both the Alien clone angle and the fear of technology were very dated…They also had the misfortune of the inevitable comparison to Deep Rising which came out a year before, and that cocky prick penis whistle Roger Ebert had to state that they were “essentially the same movie” despite the films having virtually nothing in common other than their ship settings. Virus isn’t a bad film, but Deep Rising is better and the audiences comparing the two spelled trouble for Virus.

The two final issues with the film were the biggest. Firstly, the character of Kit Foster was far underused. Alien worked because Ripley was such a strong female lead, she took charge, made things happened and kicked ass…Kit Foster having to contend with the cuntish Captian Sutherland diminished her effectiveness in many scenes..Kit is no Ripley. Then there’s the lighting. I fully understand the warrants of low lighting to increase the effectiveness of effects and add mood to a scene but here some scenes are so poorly lit that I could barely see a thing. I hate to agree with Ebert on anything but on this front he was right.

Overall I give the film 1 middle finger a quarter of the way extended.Even with the problems I mentioned I still recommend checking out Virus, it’s not the best but considering the shit fests that came out in 1999 it’s far from the worst and if you’re looking for a fun little action/sci-fi/horror hybrid this one will do you right

Because I plan to use the two remaining films as part of two articles where I’ll be fully discussing them (Revenge Of Gorey Guts And Goofiness and Hey Days OF Horror pt 1) We’ll leave those two out of this article..But let’s just say they add up to the rest and prove definitively that Horror Pack most certainly IS WORTH YOUR MONEY. So if you’re on the fence on whether or not to give them a shot I say FUCK YES! We’ll definetly be trying to hook up with Horror Pack Again to showcase some of their future boxes but in the meantime go snatch one for yourself at http://HORRORPACK.COM