dieyouzombiebastards

TITTIES AND COOKIES! A review for DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!!!!

 

 

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Zombie films are coming out literally daily at this point, and not the good kind either, it seems as if every asshole with a camera, some squibs, hamburger meat and red kyro syrup thinks he’s the next George A.  Romero, the problem is it’s all been done zombies have gone to the hood, to space, to special school, they’ve crossed with vampires, become mutants, they’ve even been  the hero. i had completely given up on a really great zombie film coming out…and still have really. Die You Zombie Bastards is not a great zombie movie…. what it is is complete and utter nonsense…AND IT’S FUCKING AMAZING!!!!!!

Not since Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead came out have i been this in love with a film. i did not stop laughing from the nearly unintelligible intro by Hasal Atkens to the  end credits.

DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS!!!! tells the story of Red Tool and his wife Violet, an average and very in love couple, besides  one thing…Red and Violet are cannibalistic serial killers and they’re the good guys! The bad guy is one Voklauf mummyhead von  Nefarious  the third. Nefarious ( who  looks like the lovechild of skeltor, Michael Jackson and the wicked witch) kidnaps three explorers from hell island transforming them into (hilarious green skinned bug eyed purple haired and nippled) zombies with his zombitron and then proceeds to do the same to several other people trying to create his own army and eventually zombifiy the world. Nefarious and Red cross paths when Nefarious spots the couple  on a couples game show and falls deeply in love with violet, kidnapping her and leaving his zombie henchmen to kill Red, but Red doesn’t go down that easy, with the addition of a red jumpsuit, yellow booties, a due rag, a cape made of human flesh and briefs with a severed human penis Red transforms himself into Redman and goes on an epic quest to get his wife back…

 

This film is by far the most fun movie I’ve seen in ten years, i hesitate to discuss any specific scenes in detail because i want  others to see this the way i did, unprepared and skeptical. but one thing i will say is this, every character from Red and his wife to the police, to the pizza shop owners red visits in his quest are all absolutely insane, i think that’s what makes this film so great you can’t get a handle on  it  goes all over the place and relishes in it’s own stupidity and randomness and yet isn’t pretentious and annoying like today’s comedies are it has an air of innocence to it  that brings to mind a three year old accidentally saying something ridiculous and invoking laughter without knowing why. It’s unassuming nature is refreshing  and it’s originality is a god-send in our world of endless remakes and unneeded sequels.

Another great surprise this film came with is the recipe or one of the most surprisingly tasty pizzas I’ve ever made. In the pizza parlor scene i mentioned earlier Red orders  what sounds like a very bizarre pizza ” burger, sausage,onion, cranberry, feta,feta feta!”

Granted when i made  the pizza i twerked it a bit to make it what  i consider a “real” pizza adding sauce and mozzarella but the outcome was amazing,  so good in fact that I’ve decided to share the recipe with this review. for those interested here’s  how you make DIE YOU ZOMBIE PIZZA!!! you’ll need a pizza crust (i used digorno because i was lazy and they’re good) a  jar  or can of pizza sauce, half a pound of hamburger 6 large breakfast sausage pattys, a pound of mozzarella, a medium sweet onion, half a pound of crumbled feta, and 2 cups of dried cranberries. cook the hamburger and breakfast sausage,preheat the oven a 400 degrees, cut the sausage into small pieces, put one third of the feta on the pizza crust, lightly apply desired amount of sauce on top of the feta, add one quarter pound of hamburger, and half the cranberries on top of the sauce, then add  mozzarella, mince the onion and evenly distribute on top of that add remainder of hamburger, sausage, feta and cranberries and slide into oven. cook for 20 minutes or until crust is brown and all the cheese is melted and serve with a  green drink.

Die You Zombie Bastards is a platinum boat in a sea of shit, my. so good that no middle fingers up isn’t a good enough rating  i give it two amputated stubs. i hope this isn’t the last we’ve seen from Zombastic.
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